It's good to be reminded

Yesterday I was reminded that I am not my own. recently i applied for a job at a church/community that i have watched from the outside for a long time. it's a place that was started moving in the direction i have always wanted to go as a person employed at a church. i traveled to the end of the interview road with one other chap, only to mailed the proverbial letter "we have decided not to pursue your candidacy any further at this point."

at this point, i was mad, frustrated, rejected, pissed off, ready to throw in the towel. how many times will i get within reach of something that i long for, only for it to elude my grasp? how many times will there appear to be an open door that turns out to be a mirage that vanishes as i get closer?

and then, i was reminded...in isaiah 55, God tells israel that he is up to something new! he is doing something in the world that is different, upside down, and hard to understand. in fact, he even goes as far as saying "my ways are not your ways, and my thoughts are not your thoughts." and he says, "incline your ear to me, lean in and hear, so that your soul may live." thankfully, when i don't know what the hell is going on, and it feels like everything that would have made sense and given me life doesn't materialize, i will lean in, and turn my ear towards heaven in hopes that God isn't lying in isaiah 55. sometimes it's good to be reminded of things you know to be true, but sometimes forget.

simply sensational

so a bridge collapsed in city the other day. it was quite a sight. bridges just don't collapse everyday. they are built to last. they are feat of modern science, engineering and construction, and in less than five seconds, what once stood tall and ignored (or at least taken for granted) was gone.

my brother and i were talking, about the bridge collapsing, and he said,
"i don't mean any disrespect at all to people who were hurt or killed when the bridge fell, but it's somewhat concerning to me how we sensationalize certain people's death, and ignore others. i mean, there was a girl who was abducted and killed a few years ago. it was all over the news. it just so happens that she was white, attractive, and her parents were rich. what about the people who die every day right here in minneapolis that never make the news, or receive our undying prayers and support? it's just interesting to me."

so...

what do you do with that?

totally guilty!

when do i pray for those who have less than i do? when do i comfort the broken or the hurt? when was the last time i did anything about those who don't have enough food in my community? if i'm not mistaken, which i am often, but if i'm not this time, i'm pretty sure Jesus did those things and asks those who follow Him and bear His name to do the same. how do we live lives that are concerned with and engaged with the poor, the suffering, the dying, the marginalized? how do we get in tune with the Jesus and the heart of what He was about here on the earth in a habitual fashion? where it's actually a part of our lives and not something we do to feel good about ourselves? the questions are for me, not for you. but if they sting a little, maybe they're for you too...

wandering around aimlessly...

i am not a fan of meandering. if i'm out and about, i usually know where i'm going, why i'm going there, when i'll get there, and what i'll do when i get there. recently i have learned this is not how everyone lives life. some people are just happy to be out and about. i think they enjoy the journey maybe even more than the destination. the competitive, 2nd of five boys, never say die part of me thinks they are crazy, but i am learning to love them and maybe even learning to appreciate their perspective. recently, i have found myself in the midst of a major transition in life. i don't have a job that defines me and my day to day activities. i have no real deadlines that challenge me to produce something and therefore allow me to calculate and assess my worth. and nobody is really telling me "great job micah..." because the work i'm involved in is with my brother sanding floors that people will eventually walk on.

what if there is something for me to learn in this stretch of time? what if i am not the sum of my accomplishments and "jobs well done" and am loved just because i'm me? what if i can learn to trust, and wait on God in times of uncertainty and doubt? what if i can learn to just be still and know that there is a God out there who loves me and wants what is best for me? what if the journey really is something beautiful in and of itself? i wonder what will happen when "i get there?" i'll probably wish i could go back and enjoy the simple things in life like my daughter running through the sprinkler or splashing in the bath tub. or the sound of my wife's voice on the other end of the phone..."hey it's me."

maybe i'll just meander here a bit longer and to see what i can see.

loud people!

posted on: april 5, 2006

have you ever met anyone who somehow (which despite your best efforts to get to the bottom of it is beyond your ability to understand) speaks louder than everyone else?

there are of course those folks who yell into cell phones...i don't think i need to say anything more about those people because assuredly we have all been accosted by them in coffee shops or airports. then there are those who when at a social engagement can be heard from anywhere in the house or room you are in. i think it has to do with where their voice falls within the frequency range. like there is some magic frequency window which ensures that everyone will hear you. these people usually mean well, but they are all outgoing which doesn't help the cause of the general public or those in attendance at said party.

the people that i would like to bring to our attention are those that speak loudly without actually speaking at a higher volume than the rest of us. it's as if their voices are heard in some sort or weightier (i'm in seminary so i can make up words) fashion. it's the paul and vicki peterson's of the world that i'm talking about. when they speak, you should listen.
these people often times don't speak that much (quantitatively.) but what they do say is usually deep, rich, and filled with wisdom.

here's my theory on this: they live from a different place than the rest of us. we wear so many masks and try to be so many different things that we are not. why, you say? because we are scared shitless of who we might find if we actually look deep into the depths of our souls and hearts where no one is allowed to go...even ourselves. most of us are operating day to day from a place of that is void of authenticity! we are faking it. people like paul and vicki have walked the long difficult road that is the journey of the heart and soul. they have guts to go where a lot of us are not willing to go, and they have been healed.

now i must say...this journey can a kill a person if they go alone. i mean seriously, who among us can look into the depravity of their own human heart and come out alive, or at the very least functioning in any coherent fashion? unfortunately, many "christians" miss this, but i think this is the call of jesus! he is willing to go into the depths of who we are and hold our hand if necessary, and by the power of the cross, heal us and make us whole again. this is hard work because we have to face ourselves in the light of what has happened to us by virtue of eden, but that is the beauty of the gospel. that jesus has come to give back what we have sabotaged...life as it was meant to be.
i think people that speak loudly (and again i don't mean volume) live from this reality. there is a reality of authenticity that exists in the words and lives of these people because they actually know who they are.

may it be said of me someday that i speak loudly. that my words and life are actually worth listening to. that i learn to live from a different place where i stop faking it, allow jesus to show me who i actually am and who i was meant to be.

so seriously...

posted on: april 3, 2006

i have been reading a little rob bell lately...
i think he's a pretty good speaker and he writes just like he speaks. therefore, i like his writing. some people are annoyed by it. one sentence statements followed by a space and then another thought. i guess i could see how people might get annoyed, especially those that are good writers. i'm not a good writer so again, i quite enjoy his writing. besides, he wears cool glasses!

he's written a book called "velvet elvis" where he posits that we should reimagine the christian faith.
basically he's saying that God spoke...and the rest is commentary. i think that's pretty good advice really. we trust and put our faith in god and the fact that he has revealed himself to humanity, not in any tradition or its interpretation of how god has revealed himself. there may be ways in which we've missed the point in the past, and it's our job as followers of jesus to continue to wrestle with and interpret how god has revealed himself.
can i share one of my challenges? for a long time i have wondered what god was going to do with my life. i have always felt that there was more. i certainly don't mean to say i am "the shit" or anything like that, because if you actually know me you would know that i have a laundry list just like everybody else. i would watch people who were having "success" in ministry whether they were teachers or worship leaders and often times think "i could totally do that!" maybe not exactly like that specific person, but i could do it as well them! i think i know what i am good at and i know what i am not good at...and i have long wondered when god would give me my "break" and really use me to reach my generation in a way that challenged them/us to actually follow jesus.
back to rob bell. he talks about this crazy idea that he used to believe which was that if the church got bigger and more successful, then it would get "easier". more money in the budget to do cool stuff and hire more people to help with the load. then he said something that floored me! "if the church gets bigger, it won't be easier...i will still have the same issues that i've always had but now everything will be multiplied"
i've got issues! i have control issues. i have communication issues. i probably have trust issues. i struggle with hugs/touch. and i don't encourage people well. maybe god is actually sparing me. can you imagine if these things were multiplied? maybe god in his sovereignty is doing me a favor by not giving me the "break" that i think i am waiting for. maybe this road is not for me.
did i mention i like rob bell.
next time i'll blog about people in life who seem to speak quietly, but are heard above the rest of the crowd...maybe these people have walked the long hard road of the soul and are living from such a different place than the rest of us that they...

are gay people on average nicer than Christians?

posted on: november 14, 2005
so i am at the Wilde Roaste cafe in north minneapolis and i promised myself i would not get online and "doodle" until my book report on John Finney's study in area of faith was finished but i coudn't help myself. i am convinced that the large majority of the clientele here the WR is gay. if you are at all perceptive, you can figure this out. for those that are not, allow me to help you. most of the people in here are dressed better than the average straight guy. GAY MEN'S FASHION CAPABILITIES KICK ASS. also, a copy of "lavender" sits on the coffee table/ottoman in front of the warm and cozy fire. if you don't know what this magazine is, be careful in your search for you might be offended in the process. last, there was an amazing piece of art here on display the last time i was in. at first glance, it looks like a 3-paneled larger than life size tribute to the "david" sculpture. if you don't know what the "david" piece is, you need to get out more and possibly with some gay people because their "intuneness" with art is something we could all use a bit more of. as you look more closely at the "david rendition" you find that there are adds for GWM in a mosiac fashion all of the colorful tapestry that has been created. need i say anymore about the WR?for whatever reason, i like it here. it's quite, they have free wi-fi, and the food is phenomenal. now, on to my inspiration for this blog. i noticed a young white man, who was having coffee with another man, a bit older and less fashionable. my first thought was, "why are with this guy man! your fashion sense is light years beyond this guy, and he's way too old for you!" as they were leaving and talking (in stereotypic "gay guy" fashion if there is such a thing), better dressed guy stops, comes back to the counter, pulls out his wallet, and puts a tip in the tip jar accompianed with a smile that says to the underpaid college student behind the counter "thank you for your effort, my time here was worth it." how many christians do you know who are shitty tippers? as if the people that are serving them whatever it is they are consuming, are below them or have to "earn" their tip! with each miscue, a percentage point drops from their lousy %7 starting point. what is that all about! we who have been pardoned by the living GOD of all the miscues we offer everyday, can't go out of our to be a blessing just because! i think the rythym of jesus is more about blessing and giving, than hoarding and manipulation for services rendered...i don't know, just a thought. how about, in memory of "well dressed gay-guy" all those who follow jesus, take a cue from the homosexuality community and be nice to people just because they are created by the living GOD and therefore have infinite worth despite our f-ed up estimation of their serving abilities of deficiencies. remember, blessed to be a blessing...not a shitty tipper.

so my friend says i should blog

posted on: november 9, 2005
so my friend tim says i should blog...he's kind of a goofy guy.
basically i'm trying my best to "gitrdun"
i guess you could say i'm a blog virgin!
i'm not really sure what the hell i'm supposed to be doing on this sort of thing so i'll just give it a shot.
they say bloggers are supposed to talk about things that are controversial so that other cool bloggers read your stuff and put you as a link on their site so other cool bloggers can find you and the process repeats itself.
so the question is, what will i write about
had a conversation today with my boss. these are always interesting. told him about some things that i wasn't too keen on and why. he's a good listener which i will give him credit for. great at the old "what i hear you saying" stuff they teach you in com101 in college. i laughed at that stuff when i heard it, but it makes you feel like you are being heard in a conversation such as the one i had this morning. that's never a bad thing. being heard i mean. isn't that really what we all want deep down at some subconcious level? just to be heard for what we are really saying! at any rate, got some things out on the table and told him that somedays i wasn't all that sure that church and being the employee of one is on my top five things to do with my life. he responded pretty well considering if i leave, they have to find some other crazy ass kid who will hang out with senior high kids for way too many hours a week for way too little money. i think it was as good for me as it was for him. i got to say some things that i have only been able to say to myself in the confines of my own head for the past two weeks but this time the real live person that i was directing the comments to was there. this is a weird thing. somehow it sounds so much better in my head. i recite and recite, speak at the mirror and all sorts of crazy shit (that you only hope no one actually sees you doing) and then when the time comes there is way too much looking at your shoes and "do you know what i mean?" maybe it's just me, but that's usually the way it goes down. i guess the moral of the story is, it's better to talk to real people instead always practicing with yourself. you become a better communicator and listener i suppose.